How To Stop Caring About Someone

By Kwabena Okyire Appianing •  Updated: 03/02/22 •  12 min read

Looking for how to stop caring about someone? Stick around, you are in the right place. 

It could be a toxic friendship, a breakup or someone who just disappeared from your life, it will be hard not to care. 

You should always know that not all relationships are meant to last forever and when a relationship ends or becomes toxic, then comes hurt. It’s not easy to acknowledge that someone you care about no longer cares about you or never did. It even becomes harder when you realize it’s time to kick them out of your life and throw them out of heart.

You may ask yourself why you should stop caring or even if you have to stop caring in the first place. Yes, at a certain point you have to stop because caring too much for the wrong people may make you sick. When you stress yourself, the brain may release high levels of cortisol into the body which may cause depression, a weak immune system, anxiety and even physical illness. If not properly managed, this may deteriorate into stroke, cancer, high blood pressure or serious organ problems. Clinging to a one-sided relationship will cause damage to your physical and mental health. 

Human as we are, we have emotions and cannot completely shut them off. The best we can do is to deal with it better. With that being said, here are some tips on how to stop caring about someone.

  1. Let go of the past:

Letting go of some stuff is a key step towards moving on in life. It is natural for you to remember the past and fantasize especially when the relationship just ended. That is not going to help you move on. You are going to be stuck in the past. You are probably thinking that person would have changed, you were too quick to bring it all to an end or even that the person had no flaws. That’s not true, it is because you are lonely. You have been used to that person being around but because they are not anymore, you are trying to idolize the moments you had with them. Let it go, of course you cannot forget it completely but when you do remember, think of it as a time that helped you grow, mature and has shaped you into who you are today. Be grateful for the good moments you had with them instead of feeling anger and pain when you remember them. And when you think of the bad times, always think of it as the situation that made you realize what you were getting into and be grateful you didn’t get into it.

  1. Accept the reality:

To stop caring about someone, you have to accept reality. Whatever you had with that person is over and the person is most probably not going to return to you. so stop wasting your time trying to get back to loving you, because it’s not happening. Save your dignity and let them leave your life, while giving yourselves space to move on. Don’t settle for some false clues of their feelings and don’t get your hopes up. This person is not coming back and it’s high time you kicked them out of your heart and out of your life for good.

If you find this quite difficult, seek the help of a counselor. Professional help will explain the logical nature of your behavior and thoughts. It’ll also help you to overcome the bad feelings, loneliness and guilt.

  1. Avoid thinking about the “what ifs”:

Whatever happened has happened audits all in the past now. The biggest mistake you can make right now is to sit and wonder how things would have been different if this was done or that was done. Well now that it’s all over, accept the fact that you are never going to know what would have happened if something was done differently. Don’t ask yourself questions like, “what if that person loved me a little bit more”, “what if I waited a little longer” and all those questions you keep asking yourself. Getting yourself busy with the potential opposite outcome of a situation will only worsen the pain you’re going through. Use that energy to appreciate the fact that things had to turn out the way they did.

  1. Realize your attachment:

Sometimes the kind of relationships you have with other people sort of create a connection. The connection sometimes makes you feel stuck with certain people, even the toxic ones because you feel you have a kind of responsibility towards them which could be moral or social. 

Usually, you would realize the attachment is not positive when something happens. Probably a heated argument, you realize you have been cheated on, lied to or even used. Relax and try to determine what the attachment is causing. It could be mental issues, general health issues, toxicity or something worse. 

Read: How To Keep A Conversation Going Over Text

  1. Determine what is causing the attachment:

After you have realized there is an attachment, you need to know what exactly caused it. There is definitely a reason why you care so much, you may think it is normal but it could be because you think you need to save someone, expectations of the society or your family, obligations , your job, traumatic past experiences, mental issues or fear. When you get to realize the reason for the attachment, you will discover some things about yourself. You can ask yourself these questions; 

  1. Now get rid of the attachment:

Now you know what caused the attachment, it’s time to detach. It’s not going to be easy but you should know that all the pain springs from attachments. Detaching yourself will be painful too but you have to do it in order to free yourself. Here are some ways to detach yourself;

  1. Let them rule you no more:

Only you can make yourself happy and you deserve happiness too. Being heartbroken does not make you less of a human. Do not allow that pain you are going through to take over your life and overwhelm you. You have chosen the other person for way too long, you have chosen pain and toxicity for too long, now it’s time to choose you! All that toxicity will only bring you pain so try and free yourself, tune yourself to a positive mindset. Never think that happiness is the reward you get for being in a relationship that is doing you no good. No matter what happens in your life, you are the only one who can make yourself happy and your happiness lies in you.

  1. Spend time with important people:

After spending so much time and being with someone who doesn’t appreciate you, it’s now time to spend quality time with the people who value and uplift you. The best endorphins you can ever find are your best friends, they are like the medicine that will speed up the process of healing your broken heart since it won’t heal in a flash. Thus is the time to engage in fun activities with those who care about you, especially family and friends. Usually in a toxic relationship, you realize that you tend to distance yourself from friends and family to give your full attention to that person. When they leave, they leave a void which could be filled by friends and family. ThIs is the perfect time to catch up with them and close in on the distance. You’ll also be surrounding yourself with some positivity. 

This is also the perfect time to fish out the negative people in your life and throw them out along with whoever broke your heart. You would usually realize that at this point when you’re at your lowest, there will be some people constantly reminding you of what you are trying to forget and trying to use your vulnerabilities against you. Cut them off, simple! Leave no space for negativity in your life.

  1. Inculcate meditation and spiritual care into your daily activities:

Simply put, meditation is training your awareness and attention by using techniques such as mindfulness and focusing the mind on a  particular object or thought to achieve an emotionally calm, mentally clear and stable state.  Thus, meditating daily will help to keep you calm and take your mind off what happened. At first, you may think it’s not working but be persistent. With time, you’ll realize that meditation helps you to calm down. 

Spiritual describes a part of us that the mind cannot comprehend. It goes beyond the physical aspects of life. Spiritual self care will give you hope, the assurance that things will get better and dreams. Always show gratitude for everything, big or small. Meditate and pray everyday. Recite healing affirmations everyday and look at the positive side of things.

Read: Are Some People Meant To Be Alone?

  1. Don’t suppress your feelings:

You are trying not to care but you realise that it only gets tougher as the days go by. It is probably because you have not accepted your feelings. You are trying to suppress your feelings instead of allowing yourself to feel them. Instead of acting all brave like you are not hurt at all, accept the fact that you really loved that person and it is not easy to let them go. Feel the pain and with time it will slowly fade. It is okay to have those negative feelings so don’t be ashamed that you feel that way. Accepting your feelings now will help you in your future relationships. If you don’t accept your feelings and move into another relationship, it might become toxic and end like your previous relationship. 

  1. Prioritise yourself:

Now that you have realised that you are not important to that person anymore, it’s time to put yourself first. It is normal to feel unloved and you may tend to feel pity for yourself. You need to prioritise yourself to get past this. Start exercising! Hit the gym and get those endorphins running through your body. If you don’t want to go to the gym you can take a walk or go for a run. Endorphins are chemicals which when released into the body will keep you in a good mood. They are usually released in significant amounts when you exercise. You deserve to be in a good mood so exercise is a good option. Exercise will make you feel good and boost your confidence. Also, remember how strong you are. Remember the little things that make you strong. Even being able to go through this kind of experience makes you strong. so always remember that you are strong enough to let go.

Go on a vacation, especially if you hardly do. It may look like you are trying to escape from all that is happening around you. You are not escaping, you are just prioritising yourself. The vacation doesn’t have to be to a fancy or expensive place. It should be a  new place where you won’t be reminded of that person who broke your heart. Explore new places and it will help you forget about everything and give you time and space to heal properly. 

  1. Try something new:

Step out of your comfort zone and try something new. List all the things you’ve always wanted to do but never got a chance to. It will help take your mind off that person and the pain that comes along when you think of them. Buy some new clothes, change your hairstyle, meet new people or start a new hobby. Yes you can start a new hobby! It could be gardening or even a new sport. Hobbies are a great way to refocus your energy and learn new skills as well. It will help you effectively and positively utilise the time you would have spent thinking about the past. Meeting new people will also give you that sense of a fresh start and new beginnings. This will also be beneficial for your mental health.

  1. Keep yourself busy:

Keeping yourself busy is a great step you can take to stop caring about someone. It is very easy to develop bad habits at work after you have suffered a broken heart or rejection. It’ll be best to use this period to work on your career. If you focus all your energy into your career, you will be rewarded with promotions, a pay rise and everything that’ll show that you are improving when it comes to your career. This is not to say that the only way to keep yourself busy is to bury yourself in your work. You can engage in other activities like watching movies, listening to music, going to a spa etc. It also doesn’t mean you should bury your emotions without allowing yourself to heal properly. You can allow yourself to feel the pain until it gradually fades. And try your best to stay away from stress when trying to keep yourself busy, there is already too much stress on your mind!

Read: How To Forget Someone

In a nutshell,

Sometimes you have to give up on certain people to move on in life. You’ll never meet the right person if you are still clinging onto the wrong one. 

Emotions of the heart cannot be rushed and so you should understand that it will take a while before the pain goes away. Help yourself with the tips we’ve provided you with and be patient. 

It won’t be easy to let go of someone you once held close to your heart. Time is the best healer, just have faith in yourself and be patient. As time goes on, you’ll look back and feel no pain. That will show that you have moved on.

Kwabena Okyire Appianing